scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
