speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
