The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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