Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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