Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
