Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's never too late to be topless.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
