I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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