Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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