i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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