TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
