you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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