i was born a porn star she said
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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