I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
