you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
