you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize