Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
