he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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