Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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