Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
