One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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