I'm drive I can fine osifer
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
