My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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