my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you would pick up someone in the library
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
