How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
