I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
