i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
