very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
