i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
