Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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