there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
