just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
50% drunk capacity currently
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
