i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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