i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
