Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize