Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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