she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
