I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
