Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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