Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
