now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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