Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
