I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
