My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize