im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
