just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think your dad took our porno
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
