Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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