i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
