im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
