look no pants
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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