i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
