New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
