WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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