The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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