i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
