You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Randomize
