where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I got chris browned last night
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
