Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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