My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
