meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
