just come out here and I will go home with you...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
His nipple licking is glorious
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
