Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
