Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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