Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
