I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
