Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
