I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
