I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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