So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
