After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
