i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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