I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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