I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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