Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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